‘Twas the Night Before the First Day of School

For me the start of school comes with a palette of emotions: excitement, anticipation, hope, fear, worry, anxiety, and dread.

I feel my shoulders closer to my ears than they were a few days ago. My cortisol levels are higher. It feels harder to breathe. I’m gearing up.

To be honest, it feels like I’m preparing for battle. This battle isn’t physical; it’s a 180 day battle for advocacy, equity, and disability awareness.

The law that was passed that gave students with disabilities the right to go to school was passed 50 years ago, but in some ways, it looks and feels like it was passed last week.

I am still asking questions like . . .

Do Caleb and his classmates get to eat at the same tables with students without disabilities?

What kind of education do you provide to students and staff about disabilities?

Do Caleb and his classmates get to choose their electives just like students without disabilities?

The list goes on and on.

In addition to fighting for basic rights, I worry about my phone ringing. Every call I receive during the school day is a potential call about Caleb. It’s a potential call to go pick him up (which is illegal if it isn’t a documented suspension, btw).

While I wait for my phone to ring, I wonder . . .

How is Caleb doing? Is he having a good day?

Will the staff understand “Calebese” language?

Will the students stare and make fun of him in the hallway?

Will he make friends?

Will anyone try to hurt him?

And the list continues. I won’t feel at ease until he is seated in my minivan wanting to know about his dogs and if they were sad while he was at school.

When Caleb does get home, he won’t be able to tell me about his day. I will rely on a of piece of paper and behavioral data in a folder to tell me about his day.

But, MY anxiety is not the only thing increasing.

Caleb feels the shift, too. He’s sticking close to me on the couch. He knows school starts tomorrow and it’s a big transition and schedule change. His anxiety and OCD are at a peak.

So, when you are in the car rider line tomorrow and mad about someone not understanding what “zipper” merge means. . . .

Remember this. . . .

We are all carrying different emotions and experiences in our cars.

Give grace. Show kindness. And remember, it is ok to eat ice cream straight out of the carton.